Family Heist

"His name isn't Mike. It's Mark." This was pointed out to me in the middle of the weddidng. Yes, the program said the groom's name is Mark but the envelope to the card clearly reads Mike... in my handwriting.

We decided to stop at Walgreen's on our way to the reception. While greeting our many relatives outside the church, we'd realized our cousin had given birth to a baby boy 2 weeks before -- not that we'd even known she was pregnant. The plan was to buy a card congratulating her on the birth while cleverly taking 2 envelopes - one for the mistakenly addressed wedding card.

"You're going to STEAL an envelope?" My father asked his adult children. Clearly he was shocked at the evil plans of his off-spring. Why not just but another card?"

Bonnie and Clide (JM and Jmtoo) scoff at this. We have a plan.

As we enter the store Jmtoo is in the middle of talking strategy. "...and then we'll just steal it," at the exact moment that we are walking past the long-haired high schooler manning the lonely cash register. So far, we are above suspision. "I mean, look at us! Who would suspect someone so well-dressed!"

We settled for a card with a yellow duck on the cover waxing poetic about the gift from God that is keeping my cousin from getting a decent night's sleep -- one card, two envelopes. Jmtoo plays with them until they are all entwined and the envelopes appear as one. Inspired, I turn the card over so that the barcode is in view. He won't have to take them apart to scan it. I bought a frappacino - to distract him further.

At the counter:
The Kid separates the card from the envelopes and discovers our ploy! "Ha! trying to steal an envelope, eh?" He is joking.

I shoot Jmtoo a desperate glance. He is tall and charming. I'm letting him swing at this one. "Um, yeah." The Kid laughs and sets the envelope out of reach before ringing up my drink. I take it and walk toward the door. Yes, our get-away vehicle is waiting, father at the wheel, engine running. We can make a run for it if we need to.

"So, can we have the envelope?" The Kid looks up, confused. "Ah...sure." He hands it over.

In the Car:
"You're not going to believe this. The wedding card. It doesn't fit in the envelope."