Today on General Hospital....

He is not my boss but he is definitely in a position of authority. Not that this keeps me from telling him how he can improve his people skills.

"I want to be nice," he says.
I laugh the shocked, blow to the chest, out through the nose kind of laugh.
"What?" he asks, innocently.
"You're black-balling people and you claim you want to be nice?"
Much discussion ensues and, after appealing to his grandiose view of himself as the leader of the entire program rather than just the medical director of our department, he finally concedes.
"You've shown me that I need to..."
"Forgive?" I suggest, hopefully.
"Be humble and..."
"Forgive?" I insist.
"Take the first step." I am relieved, believing I have just halted the mudslinging surrounding a good and trusted colleague.

Later, I ask him a question about a surgeon's involvement in a protocol.
"I'm going to puke!" he practically spits. "I don't need a surgeon! I can do it. I've been doing it!"

I laugh AT him. "It certainly isn't my intention to make you puke," I mocked him. "And neither do I intend to be the recipient of this frustration you're expressing. I'm simply seeking clarification around this protocol and would appreciate an answer to my question." (I really talk this way to him.)

"I'm not always right," he says as he sits back in the chair. Not that he believes this, more like he's trying to practice being humble. "I like that you challenge me on these things. You're honest with me." He motions for me to have a seat in his office. Then he motions to shut the door.

"I don't usually talk to people about these things, but you're standing there looking at me with those eyes that say, 'I'm listening Dr. _____...'"

UhOh

I'm sitting in my office discussing eligebility criteria for a research protocol with two nurses when he enters. He participates in the conversation and then waits for them to leave before starting his sentence with:

"I'm not asking you out on a date, but..."

UhOh.

Have I mentioned that he's married and the father of 6 children? They're not moving here until school gets out. He's also Mormon. Not that it matters, I just want you to have the whole picture. This man's religion claims that his wife's status in Heaven is dependent on him. If they're especially good, they might one day populate their own planet.

"... but I need to eat. Why don't you join me. I want to continue our conversation. I don't get you. I don't get how you think."

I chuckle at this, remembering a similar sentiment from a college heartbreak. "You're not the first scientist to tell me that. And I can't. I'm, um, going to a reading tonight."

And I don't eat at 4 pm. With married men. With the father of six. With anyone in authority who references my eyes during office conversation and wants to "get" me.

Never. Not ever. No.