I have been away for a very good reason -- hospitalization.
Really, it's the perfect excuse. "Deadline? What deadline? I have no idea what you're talking about - see, I've been in the hospital. As a patient. Yes, yes, I'm feeling better but do take special note of the dark circles under my eyes. I'm most definitely too sick to a)move the furniture in your office b)care about your pet tirade of the day c)motivate myself to lick your boots into a wicked sheen."
Maybe it's the REALLY high dose of steroids they pumped into my blood stream. Maybe it's the new drug. Maybe it's the fact that I'm finally listening to my gut, but yesterday I felt it wise to speak my truth and explain to the Snapping Turtle why I'm not right for my job and, were I him, THIS is how I would use my FTE.... Yes, I may have just talked myself out of a job.
This is a risk I wanted/needed to take. I was tired of assuming and refused to make anymore decisions from a place of fear. Snapping Turtle makes weird and sudden turns because he drives his Winnebago on fear (a Winnebago carrying his wife and 4 kids, you see, all supported by him).
So, I practice compassion and try to see the big picture and tell him what really needs to happen for there to be good outcomes and how I think that picture does not include me in this current role. It's scary, but liberating.
I may have to get a job at Starbucks because despite it all, they have health insurance. I really need health insurance. What the hell have I done.
3 comments:
I was excited to see your response on jdoc's blog because it made me hopeful that you had a new blog entry. And also hopeful that you are feeling better! I hope that you are! As for working at Starbuck's, there is no shame in that. I will probably work there at some point in order to support my career/addiction of photography.
I'm afraid you've talked yourself into a job that you don't want to keep. Snapping Turtle will see that you want an employee who can identify what needs to change so that the work can get done.
Honesty = refreshing. Good work. I agree, you probabally just rocked his world and will end up with a raise or something like that.
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