I am reading the French Girl Book again. This is how I refer to it. Affectionately. The real title is Entre Nous: A Woman's Guide to Finding Her Inner French Girl, and if you see me reading it you will know that I am seeking to be reminded of something I've forgotten. This week, I'm reminding myself that I am not my job.
"The French girl's work ethic is Latin, not Protestant, and her time flows around the banks and shoals of what is personally relevant. In fact, time management barely exists as an actual term in her language. Ditto for the word 'multi-tasking.' When I tried with a certain guilty self-implication to explain the term 'multi-tasking,' French girlfriend Audrey scoffed with lusty derision. "Multi what?" she asked. "What's the point? Why in the world would you want to be all things to all people, and do it all at once?"
Why indeed.
Apparently our lives should not be defined but what we do for a living. That's almost too sane.
So, this week I have not watched TV while stuffing my face with food I've dropped between the cushions of the couch. Here is an example: yesterday I made salmon, peas, salad with avocado and butternut squash for dinner which I ate at my beautiful handmade dining table with a glass of dry red wine while spaghetti sauce simmered on the stove and spaghetti squash baked in the oven and freshly baked chocolate cupcakes, that I will take to work to celebrate a co-worker's birthday tomorrow, cooled on the counter. I sat at the table and ate slowly and enjoyed my wine and had swiss cheese, grapes and strawberries for dessert. I finally heard my own voice in my own head because there was no TV or stereo. There wasn't even a book.
I am not French and I don't want to be French but I do want to be me. I have been having a very good time hanging out with myself this week. It's a bit of a surprise, actually. I've grown so accustomed to always being there - everywhere I go, there I am. There is no escaping myself! Just think about that for a second. Is there anyone on this earth you'd want to spend every minute with? Hell no! And yet, we are all doing it. We spend a lifetime with ourselves, so we might as well get to know ourselves. I have been taking myself for granted.
I am not my job. I am not any of the roles that I play. When it's just me and...well, me, I am defined by myself and not in comparison to or in opposition to anyone else.
I have been reminded that my perception of myself is my reality. I don't have to subscribe to anyone else's perception of me. I am not perfect, but I don't need to apologize for that fact, because the pursuit of perfection can only lead to insanity. I just want to be authentic.
And, I want to wear sexier shoes....
10 comments:
You go, Frenchie. Your food sounds delicious. And I plan on adopting your no-comparisons policy. My uncle once said, "All comparisons are odious." I think I'll turn off the TV now ...
Oh! I would love to see pictures of all this food you're making. Somebody get this girl a digital camera.
It is actually very pretty. Very bright colors. Cooking for myself...making beautiful food for myself...it's just about the nicest thing I've ever done for ME. It's an expression of love. I feel a need to thank my parents for all those meals I gumpily consumed while watching TV.
adub - your family is full of wise gems. So good with words.
Wonderful post. Thanks for turning me on to that book. I am going on to amazon later - I would hate to do it at work, that would be multi-tasking, right?
I love cooking now. Another present you can get yourself is a subscription to Cooking Light Magazine. It just may be the best magazine out there - so inspiring. All of the recipes I have tried from CL are amazing and delicious.
What a great post JM. You're amazing.
Thanks for your words. Since I have been out east, I have wanted to find friends because I was lonely. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I wanted to find a friend in myself. And your words reminded me of that, so that is what I will do this weekend. Enjoy being with me, just me. No one else. No obligations of doing for others, just doing for me. I will take photos all alone because I love it. And your words also helped in a situation I am in because of some things I said on my blog. I apologized for what I said, even though I didn't mean it. What I say is me and why should I apologize for that. I believe what I believe and I need to stand up more for that. Thanks for your help, I know what I need to do now. Your words are always wonderful and just what I needed. Thanks!
When you work at a Bowling Tournament you are soundly reminded that you are not defined by what you do.
Are you sure that we don't have some French in our blood. I went to Germeny and I the Veg. ate sasauge and drank beer and I asked around. No one had heard of our last name.
What great comments!
I am totally going to check out cooking light.
cdoc - you are becoming an amazing woman. Do you see this happening? Really, it's inspirational to watch.
jmtoo - everyone who sees my name before they see me thinks I'm going to be African, and then this white American girl shows up. Maybe we're not German afterall! Big family secret....
Chiming in un peu en retard. Like always. Anyhoo, should you ever doubt your inner frenchness, just tie on a jaunty scarf and wear those 3 inch heels...to the store because you can, and you know you are hot!
adub's uncle said that? are your sources reliable? -fg
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