Tonight I told my writing class about the amazing feedback and support I received from you when I decided to write from the scary place (One For THE VAULT). My instructor said your comments brought tears to her eyes. I am lucky -- very lucky to have such supportive readers.
What I thought was scary turned out to be a wonderful experience.
What I thought was easy - writing from the funny place - well, that has turned into a disaster.
It has been a challenging week for my words and me. I have been apologizing over email for a piece I wrote. In the middle of this discussion I received an email from someone I loved many years ago in response to words I'd written many months ago. And within seconds I received an email from someone new - a conversation that had started as witty and fun - but here I was, mired in the heaviness of words and impact that was not my intention. How to be witty and fun when my heart is broken?
What has broken my heart? Deleting. Sometimes writing is a struggle. Just putting something on the page can be equal to a miracle. It is such a huge source of pride to me. I have rediscovered an old friend - me - my voice.
And here I am - deleting it. How did I let this happen?
Something tells me the person I really need to apologize to is me - the writer. I've betrayed her. But she's forgiven me and she's going to keep writing. Not because she's brave or strong or doesn't care what others think, but because she can't help it.
2 comments:
jm, you inspire me to write more. I think of things to write often, but don't think anyone will care, so I don't write. I need to write more for me and less for everyone else. Maybe I will be a writer too... but certainly no jm or jdoc!
jm,
You warned me about my relationships/conversations changing due to having a blog that is read by family and friends, and I have thought of that warning numerous times in the last couple of months.
My mom said I seemed angry and it took me two days to let it go and be ok with the fact that my mom is never fully going to get 'my voice' which I am still figuring out myself.
I hate those moments when I feel like I have to censor a story or post, but I love those moments when I put something risky out there and get love and support in return, is it a worthy trade-off?
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