I have such a hard time keeping things that mean anything to me.
My latest loss - my mother's mexican silver and turquoise bracelet. I had it on my wrist ALL day - but when I looked down at dinner, it was gone. I have no idea at which point it left me. I have traced all my steps and left word of a reward, but I fear it's gone.
I AM SAD
Buddhists suggest we would be happier if we could practice non-attachment. Perhaps my ability to lose things my mother gave me is meant to aid me in this process - this non-attachment. Perhaps I define myself by these outward expressions of who I am: the clothes I wear, the jewelery I choose, the way I wear my hair. Are these things me? No. And yet they seem such a part of me.
I miss that bracelet. The heavy weight of it. The way it slips around my recently thinned down wrist and flies off when I'm gesturing because it's suddenly too large. If I find it, I will no longer trust myself to wear it.
In my favorite scene in the movie Harold and Maude, 16 year old Harold gives 80 year old Maude a ring, which she promptly throws into a lake - so she'll always know where it is. Part of me wonders if I shouldn't just throw everything I love - everything I'm attached to - into Lake Calhoun because, damnit, at least then I'll know where it is!
6 comments:
Am very sad about the bracelet too. I hope it turns up.
I also become attached to things. It is hard not to when the things hold great memories. I am sad too about the bracelet and hope you find it soon.
This is a concern everyone faces at some point, am I more than the sum of my parts (or the sum of my credit card balance)?
Your case is a little different, things passed down take on significant meaning that cannot be replaced.
So simple, yet so deeply touching. Harold and Maude and Buddhist tenents are all one really needs to get through most situations.
I loved that part in Harold and Maude - if we could all be a little more like Maude ... and the Buddhists.
I remember one Christmas, my sick Grandpa was visiting. He woke in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and fell on our Christmas tree. He broke an ornament cdoc had made for my parents. She was so disappointed. But we took it's broken pieces and put it in a plastic bag fastened with a red ribbon and hung it back on the tree. Now that ornament, still on the famdoc tree, holds more memories and more stories.
JM, maybe we can make you another bracelet that closely resembles the one your Mama gave you. It won't be nearly as nice. But, this way, it'll remind you of the love of your Mama and the love of your friends.
You are all very sweet to sympathize. I lost the lockt my mother bought and engraved for me before she died. 20 years later I replaced it. It's not exactly the same - but it has our pictures in it - and it reminds me of her initial intention. You're right, replacements can sometimes be really good. I will give that some thought....
Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?
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