Two Weddings and a Funeral

I arrived in the small town of Clearbrook, pop. 547 if my memory serves, to take my last turn as bridesmaid. Marik, the bride, is a lovely friend who manages to sparkle in flannel. I was being honored as an old maid...I mean I was maid of honor, and had the honor of sharing a bed with my former roommate for the 4 nights leading up to her wedding, much to the dismay of her fiance. One morning we woke to discover him already sitting in the kitchen - he'd run twice around town before jogging out to the farm - he had some "excess energy" to burn off. That day we accomplished a few wedding tasks, but the major part of the day was dedicated to her 94 year-old grandmother who had passed the week before.

At the service I heard the story of her grandmother's life, the college education at Concordia cut short by the depression, her marriage to a farmer, the 6 children raised in a 2 bedroom, one story farm house - just imagine winter in that house - and the sense of humor and the strength of her religion, the pure black and white views of her world, the right and wrong, these are the colors that create the portrait of her life. And it is with this picture of a life that my week began.

After the funeral we swam in Deep Lake. It was warm and the water was refreshing. The lake is truly deep and spring-fed and, according to Marik's grandmother, there is a monster who dwells in the "bottomless" body of water. No monster appeared, however, and we swam far out into the lake. I floated on my back and all I could see was the cloudless blue sky. The world was calm and my body was supported and caressed and life pulsed through me in rhythm with the lapping water. I AM ALIVE. THIS IS LIFE. I AM ALIVE. THIS IS LIFE.

The next morning, MM woke early, so I did too. The long light of 7 am shone on us as we walked across the neighbor's field picking wild flowers. These I later arranged with the funeral flowers for bouquets and vase arrangements for the tables. Yes, the funeral flowers were reincarnated and became wedding bouquets and they were beautiful. It seemed so right.

The wedding was at the Headwaters of the Mississippi. The morning of the wedding found my friends and me in kayaks on Lake Itasca. It was another lovely day and we paddled to the headwaters where we waded across the Mighty Mississippi with 3 year-old children and dogs. Later that afternoon we gathered there to witness my friend join her life with the man who adores her. They wrote their vows and asked family and friends to share readings and thoughts. They were shiny happy with love and it was infectious.

The next day I drove with Molly, whose good company I rarely get to enjoy, back to The Cities where I had one day to restock my floral supplies, pick up the flowers I'd ordered from the Farmer's Market and drive to southern MN for wedding #2.

I arrived at the Evangelical Free Church and spent the afternoon assembling flowers. I took a break in the evening for the rehearsal dinner where I joined strangers and young people who, despite being only 5 years younger than I, are simultaneously more naive and more mature than I and my friends. All strongly religious, like Marik's grandmother, they feel confident that their simple lives will include families of their own and service to their spouse and God. FOREVER.

I woke early the next morning and headed to the church kitchen to assemble 5 bouquets. The theme was Fairy and I had a great time creating a fairy world for her. She cried when she saw her bouquet - she was so happy. I couldn't help but notice the stargazer lillies and hydrangea were wilting.

I have been in 5 weddings and attended several more - I consider myself a wedding professional. This wedding was traditional in every sense. The groom's father, an Evangelical minister, performed the ceremony but his sermon meandered like switchbacks and was the predictable "Jesus took the church as a bride and served it just as you take your bride and must serve her...blah, blah, blah" The only time the couple spoke was to repeat their vows - the traditional "I, Kris, take you, Karli, to be lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold...blah, blah, blah." It was the first wedding that hasn't made me cry.

These two young people entered marriage, led by their parents and tradition and the desire, I'm sure, to finally have sex. They have no doubt. God brought them together. All seems destined for them.

Witnessing this wedding, lacking in personality and excitement, I realized how many interesting, unique and beautiful weddings I have been to. I'm proud of my friends who have married. They struggled with doubt and came out on the other side. They are full of beauty and bravery. Their weddings were reflections of their relationships. We witnessed them stepping together into the unknown and we were there to support them and to celebrate with them - to show that we are there and invested in the life they are creating. Nothing is for sure. That's the beauty. That's where their bravery resides.

All the same - I'm retiring from weddings. Molly has drilled this into my head: "N-O" See, I CAN say it...