I’m not a dieter. I have no will power. Nor can I commit. I am desperate to feel well, however, and have decided to commit myself to a diet that has helped many people with Ulcerative Colitis (my lovely affliction) and Crohn’s who follow it for at least 2 years. It’s called the Specific Carbohydrate Diet and is stricter than a dominatrix. NO carbs or sugar. I can have meat, some “dry” cheeses, vegetables and fruits (not canned) and homemade yoghurt.
Today is day 5 on this diet. 5 days out of 2 years.
The weekend was not pretty, as I basically entered detox. Remember the Seinfeld episode where Elaine becomes stupid because she’s not having sex? Well, keep the no sex and add no sugar (or CHOCALATE) and I’m extremely lacking in brain function. Hey! Let’s turn the air conditioner on and leave 2 windows open – ALL DAY.
The worst part of this diet is that I have to actually cook. Almost everything I eat will be prepared by me. My father once asked me to make dinner and I complained about my lack of culinary skills. “You’re an artist.” He asserted. “Be creative.”
One heaping pot of green macaroni and cheese later and I was free from all cooking responsibilities.
Yesterday I made a meat loaf – a vegetable meatloaf. I was on the phone with jdoc when I opened the oven.
“Ohmigod, disgusting. It looks like it should be coming out of the other end. I don’t know if I can eat this.”
Seriously, it was greenish/brown and oozing.
This had better start working or I’m going to run off with the characters from Candyland who have populated my dreams these past few days.
4 comments:
Hi, it's kdf here. I love your blog. But I have to ask why you chose to make a vegetarian meat loaf when meat is actually on the OK list.
kdf has a point. Can you have MEATloaf? And when does the detoxing end?
Since you have to give up chocolate, bring back the sex, I say.
Ah, good questions my friends. The meatloaf was 1.5 # of hamburger mixed with a vegetable puree fresh from the blender (carrots, tomato, green pepper, onion) and put into a loaf pan. I got a new recipe which is basically hamb. and cheese in a loaf pan that sounds much more promising.
And jdoc, I like your suggestion. Will talk over sex strategy with my new friends, the green rabbits and pink iguanas I see out of the corners of my eyes...(detox cont.)
JM - I was on a diet too. No sugar, no white flour. I figured it would be a pretty easy pre-wedding detox sort of thing - until I ate the Triscuit section out of Safeway. No white flour doesn't mean no wheat - right? So then I had a Dr.'s appointment - 13 pounds heavier than I have ever been in my life and less than one month till the wedding. I almost fainted and now I eat whatever I want again - better to be fat and happy than to cry every time you think about toast. Good luck with the detox.
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