The Right to Write

Professionals will tell you that when in doubt of what career you should pursue, think back to when you were 10, and you will find your answer.

When I was 10 I wanted to write.

I know several people who share this love, but I've noticed that those who are mothers tend to feel guilty about writing. They feel it's time they are stealing from their children (or time they should spend doing the laundry) and they worry that when they DO write they should be writing about their children, documenting their lives for them.

I am reminded of my own mother and the notebooks she wrote in. She stole 10 minutes before work, while the clothes were drying, while the hamburger was defrosting. She sat down and quickly wrote a few lines. She composed while she sewed and drove and took a bath.

And what did she write?

"When you read this, it will be because I can no longer be with you. I have a rare cancer that is very bad....I wanted to be your friend and confidant. I hope you can remember me, the good times we've had the memories we share....I wish I could be with you here on earth but I'll be with you in spirit and your memory....Support your daddy and if someday he finds another woman to love - support him. He needs that love. You won't always be there at home with him. Don't forget me but be happy without me there."

She wrote about things we did, the line I recited in the Christmas pageant and what dress I wore. What she didn't write was what she was feeling. Her thoughts on death. Family issues. What made her happy or sad. Her favorite color. Her political views. Her idea of God.

I am grateful that she wrote about my childhood, especially those lost years, but I wish she'd written more about herself. I've struggled to put the pieces together to sketch a picture of my mother. I have this note book because she knew her time was limited and she saw the time she spent writing as an investment in a future she would be unable to participate in herself.

I hope you will not wait for a terminal illness to allow yourselves to write. Your thoughts are valuable, whether they be about your children or yourselves. It is important to take the time. Not only will it help you understand yourself better, but it will help others understand you and through you, themselves.

For instance, from the above lines, written by my mother, I learned a little something about attachment. All things come to an end and we have to let them go. And sometimes they make room for new people. Words written 25 years ago - she speaks to me still. I'm so glad she chose to write rather than do the laundry.